The Piano Puts It Over The Top

Musical Ex-Girlfriends

RyanH pointed me at The Shit Parade Show podcast.

We're Joel Church-Cooper, Erin Gibson, and Blake Walker, three twenty something Los Angeles comedy professionals, along with special guests, telling stories about how we've been shaped and influenced by music. We've packaged it into a neat little podcast named The Shit Parade Show (podcast).

The first episode is a pretty interesting topic: Musical Ex-Girlfriends.

Bands who you were once involved with, you loved them, you loved their music, and then over time, you fell out of love with them. And now they're still out there, existing in the world, doing they're own thing, and sometimes you hear them or run into them and you know that your lives have taken different paths. And you wonder, now that you don't like them as much, "Was it me? Was it who I was at the time? Or were they actually good and worth it?"

This is an easy one for me: Depeche Mode and Erasure. Same Euro-electronica genre, but completely opposite tones. I can listen to the stuff I was into and quickly re-connect with it, but I find it difficult to listen to entire songs. Well, except for singles off DM's Black Celebration album.

Hilarious comparisons of ex-favorite bands to ex-girlfriends on the podcast.

So who are your musical ex's?

High Emotion

Pilgrimgirl wrote about crying during the last Harry Potter book, and I responded with my favorite quote from Sleepless in Seattle.

But I have to admit that I've been brought to tears during the high drama being played out in the Pyrenees between Alberto Contador and Michael Rasmussen (and their supporters, Levi Leipheimer, Michael Boogerd, Yaroslav Popvych, Denis Menchov, and George Hincape).

Maybe only a cycling fan can shed tears over Le Tour de France.

Previous Conversation

Me: The Simpsons and Family Guy might be bad, but at least they're trying to be funny. It's not just shocking because of what it is.

D: Oh, I see.

Me: Do you remember how the doctors would treat the nurses on M.A.S.H.? It's really disturbing.

D: Er...

Me: You don't remember M.A.S.H.?

D: Not really.

Me: Wait, how old were you in 1985?

D: Um, negative two...

Me: Holy shit, I'm old.

If You Like Pina Coladas

I just watched a hilarious segment of Anthony Bourdain's traveling food show, No Reservations, where Tony visits Puerto Rico (or The PR, as I like to call it).

Voice Over: My Spanish may be a bit shaky, but the most important thing is to not screw this up, to not do the usual glossy hotel channel take on this island. I mean, after all, I'm not here for the all inclusive package. This is the anti-tourist show, right? Having said that, I think the producers of this particular episode may have done their research in a cruise ship office, which is why, dear viewer, this trip begins in the unholy trinity of hotel/casino/souvenir district of old San Juan, home of the Barrachina Cafe, the alleged birthplace of the aforementioned gringo favorite, the Pina Colada. Or at least that's what the plaque by the door says.

Tony: "If I wanted to make shows like Rachel Ray, I would come here."

Voice Over: Now tourist-snaring plaques of dubious historical merit normally don't do it for me. But we are talking about alcohol here.
[Tony grimaces then steps inside the Barrachina]

So, I was willing to overlook the La Quinta Inn style decor, the obvious hordes of Carnival Cruise thrill-seekers.
[Tony stands outside the restaurant as tourists file by behind him]

But hey, if I have to drink on camera it might as well be the very best you can get, right? Hand crafted, just for me in the place of it's birth, lovingly poured straight from the ...
[record scratch to silence]
Semi-Serve 5000 frozen drink machine?! What the fuck?!

Tony: "Apparently the recipes are all for industrial portions."

Bartender: "We use one can of coconut, and four cans of pineapple juice.
[pours]
There's the coconut. You can see the coconut is very nice.
[Tony stares unbelievingly]
These are the pineapple juice...
[Bartender pours two cans in at once]

Tony: "Can you just make me one drink?"

[Bartender pours second pair of cans]

Tony: "Instead of an industrial vat?"

[Bartender pours mix into frozen drink dispenser]

Voice Over: Yup, nothing says the original like 20 gallons of pre-made mix! But aren't we missing one key ingredient?

Tony: "What about the rum?"

Bartender: "We just put the rum in the glass, and then put the pina colad mix inside the glass. Easy."

Voice Over: Wow, that's depressing.

--- --- ---

Tony: "That was extremely depressing, wasn't it? You ever see Puerto Ricans sitting around in large numbers, drinking Pina Coladas? I haven't."

[Tony walks past a Pizza Hut]
"What is the real Puerto Rico? I have no idea, but I know that that was not it."

Voice Over: It's times like this, you wish you had a local by your side.

Tony: "I should just call my old shop steward, Ernesto. I stabbed him in the hand, once, with a meat fork. After which we became really good friends."

--- --- ---

Voice Over: They like their pork out here, and no one more so than the Lechonera Los Pinos.

[Tony stares through a window at pigs on spits]

Tony: "Oooh, look at this! Come on! Oooh, yes! Oh, you are mine! Oh magical animal!"

Voice Over: Each one of these 300 lb beasts is lovingly marinated basted, roasted, then hacked apart by owners Tomas and Carmen, yielding one of the most sublime meats imaginable. Mmmmm, pig!

Tony: "Well, clearly we're going to have to eat here."

[Tony stands at the ordering station rubbing his hands together]

Tony: "Ok, I'm going to need the undivided attention of at least two or three of these employees. I want some head, I want some ass, and I want some ... that doesn't sound good, does it?"

[Man cuts cheek off of pig]

Tony: "God, look at that. That's the single best piece on the pig. Once you've got the cheek, you're pretty much in God's country. Some people watch porn. I ..."

Guide: "You watch men chopping pork."

Tony: "Yes... I do."

--- --- ---

[Tony is served]

Tony: "Oh man, look at that, I'm just swooning at this."
Guide: "Looks like there's pork in the beans too."
Tony: "Yes, there must be. A bean without pork is like an orphaned child."

[Tony cuts pork]
Tony: "Oh look at that, it's just moist and tender. It's a gorgeous mosaic of pork. They don't mess it up with sauce."
Guide: "They rub it with garlic and sofrito.... And you just get under the skin, rub the meat with it. They give it a massage."
Tony: "Well that's the way I want to go. Before you put me on the spit, at least give me a fucking massage."

[Tony takes a bite]
Tony: "I want to die with a big mouthful of this."

--- --- ---

Guide: "Did they do it right?"
Tony: "They do it better than right. This is..."
Guide: "We have to kiss Carmen on the way out."
Tony: "Any part of her body she wants."

Truly amazing food porn.

Awkward Part 3

Like the Giant Tortoises of the Galapagos, time swims inevitably on.

Part 1
Part 2

I'm theoretically having lunch tomorrow with my disappeared friend. It's an anniversary of sorts, and I'm trying to re-connect with the buddies I hung out with all last summer (that means RyanH and GF too).

Hadn't thought of, or revisited this issue for a while, which I guess is a good thing. Embarrassing to see I wasn't comfortable enough with my blogging "confessional" to admit to my own attraction to this gal, and that I had brought this up with her three or four months before the disappearance. I guess that changes the context of the story a lot. Seems silly now to have thought that it was a non-issue. Whatever, it's such a waste of time to speculate about other people's motivations.

About a month ago I realized that I hadn't even thought of the issue for close to six months, since I chatted for a bit with her mother. Hmmm... this requires some explanation. I had some books this friend lent me which were a bit irritating to have around. I'd be feeling disconnected from the whole issue, then trip over this stack of books which would remind me. So I asked her about a good time to return them (email). Didn't hear back for 24 hours, so arranged to drop them off at her mother's place. Her mother, by the way, was very cool about the whole thing.

Me: I'm so sorry to do this to you. I feel very awkward.
Her: Oh John, don't worry about it. So... Do you want to talk about it?
Me: Er. I don't know what to say. Probably not.

Not cool to complain about your friends to their mother when you're over 30, right? And I'm very sensitive to sounding like a "spurned lover" as CraigH puts it. But we did chat about books, which is always cool.

Briefly traded emails with her sister when looking for a partner to take swing dance lessons with at Imperial Ballroom. That fell through, but it was still nice to chat and re-connect.

Does it sound horrible that after 7 months of silence, I assumed that I'd get ignored or get the polite brush-off? Hmmm... I'd even forgotten that I'd essentially decided not to reach out, going so far as sending an email stating this intention. Well, it seems a little petty to not try to reconnect in order to keep making a point.

RyanH tells me that I must have wanted to see her again, or I wouldn't have reached out. That's clearly true. I do feel some trepidation, though. Having gotten out from under the pain, I'd prefer not to subject myself to it again.

So what's my strategy? Be polite, charming, funny, but don't re-start the friendship? Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

Conversation

Chatting with D, at Atomic on Friday night.

A boy asked me to dinner. It's the first time that's happened!

Yikes. Ever? Really?

Yeah, really. I've asked guys out, but never the other way around. Part of me is excited because [jumping clapping] a boy likes me!

Too funny! Dating is a good way to figure out what kind of people and relationships you're looking for. If you manage not to get bogged down in any single person.

Yeah, I guess so.

Maybe we should talk about it over dinner.

What?!

Kidding!

I was sensitive and encouraging, though. But every other sentence from that point on out of my mouth was, "And after that, do you want to get some dinner?"

Ok, that's not that sensitive. But it was hilarious. Trust me. Ok, maybe I'm the only one who thought so. But not even I thought so after she told me I made the joke in front of the guy who asked her.

Who am I kidding, I still think it's hilarious!