Monday, July 23, 2007

Awkward Part 3

Like the Giant Tortoises of the Galapagos, time swims inevitably on.

Part 1
Part 2

I'm theoretically having lunch tomorrow with my disappeared friend. It's an anniversary of sorts, and I'm trying to re-connect with the buddies I hung out with all last summer (that means RyanH and GF too).

Hadn't thought of, or revisited this issue for a while, which I guess is a good thing. Embarrassing to see I wasn't comfortable enough with my blogging "confessional" to admit to my own attraction to this gal, and that I had brought this up with her three or four months before the disappearance. I guess that changes the context of the story a lot. Seems silly now to have thought that it was a non-issue. Whatever, it's such a waste of time to speculate about other people's motivations.

About a month ago I realized that I hadn't even thought of the issue for close to six months, since I chatted for a bit with her mother. Hmmm... this requires some explanation. I had some books this friend lent me which were a bit irritating to have around. I'd be feeling disconnected from the whole issue, then trip over this stack of books which would remind me. So I asked her about a good time to return them (email). Didn't hear back for 24 hours, so arranged to drop them off at her mother's place. Her mother, by the way, was very cool about the whole thing.
Me: I'm so sorry to do this to you. I feel very awkward.
Her: Oh John, don't worry about it. So... Do you want to talk about it?
Me: Er. I don't know what to say. Probably not.
Not cool to complain about your friends to their mother when you're over 30, right? And I'm very sensitive to sounding like a "spurned lover" as CraigH puts it. But we did chat about books, which is always cool.

Briefly traded emails with her sister when looking for a partner to take swing dance lessons with at Imperial Ballroom. That fell through, but it was still nice to chat and re-connect.

Does it sound horrible that after 7 months of silence, I assumed that I'd get ignored or get the polite brush-off? Hmmm... I'd even forgotten that I'd essentially decided not to reach out, going so far as sending an email stating this intention. Well, it seems a little petty to not try to reconnect in order to keep making a point.

RyanH tells me that I must have wanted to see her again, or I wouldn't have reached out. That's clearly true. I do feel some trepidation, though. Having gotten out from under the pain, I'd prefer not to subject myself to it again.

So what's my strategy? Be polite, charming, funny, but don't re-start the friendship? Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

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