I Don't Know What I Believe Pt. 1

I've been having a fascinating conversations with new LDS friends about topics which have really made me examine what I believe.

First off, sexual morality. No, I'll leave that for later.

First off, marriage. I heard a very interesting description of marriage being a decision point or as I rephrased it, a "line in the sand" for a relationship. Marriage means a couple is stepping up and making a commitment to each other, friends, family, and God. I really don't see the marriage ceremony that way at all. To me, a relationship involves an escalating series of commitments and discussions about what partners expect and need from each other. I hope that at the point that I marry someone, the serious commitment to her will have been in the past. I hope that the conversations that I have with the divine spirit will have been in the past. I see the ceremony as more of a celebration and sharing of the joy with community. Then again, I've never been close to married, so what do I know.

Next, do I believe in sin, redemption, forgiveness, and an afterlife. Nice list, eh?

Last first; Do I believe in an afterlife?

I think the quick answer is no. I have no way of knowing about what might go on after death. What I do know is that I need to live my life as if this were the only chance I have to love my family, love my friends, and do good in the world. I just can't put any of that stuff, thinking that I'll just make up for it in the afterlife.

Is it depressing not to have have faith in an afterlife?

In the past, it has been. CH recently reminded me of a statement I made to him back in high-school about envying the faith and comfort a friend of ours derived from her religion. But I think I'm over that now. I have faith and comfort but faith that what I do in this life matters. I'd love to meet both my grandmothers again and converse with them as adults. I'd love to ask my Tokyo granny about her writings on worship, chat with my Grandfather about life in Shanghai. Maybe I'll get the chance to do those things, but I feel a little dirty trying to use those things to motivate myself to live a good life. A good life is worth living, afterlife or not. And especially if there's no afterlife.

Do I believe in sin, redemption, and forgiveness?

To me, the concept of sin presupposes fairly rigid rules, which I haven't experienced in my spirituality. I experience morality in a pretty complex way. So sin, no. Being on the wrong side of a moral decision certainly happens to me.

Redemption or salvation?

Not really. Well, that's not quite true. But when I don't see the afterlife as a relevant part of my life, and I don't really believe in hard and fast sin, well, redemption doesn't seem very relevant, does it?

Forgiveness?

This is a very weird issue for me. I don't think I believe in forgiveness for sin, partly because I'm not on board with sin. I know that even living by my own brand of morality, I'm far from perfect. And I strive to seek guidance in how I experience Divinity on how to live my life better than I do now. But to forgive my past? Absolution? A magic wand that wipes me clean? That isn't how I experience spirituality.

As always, more self-indulgent rambling later...